The News Story the World is Waiting for From Israel
(Jerusalem — June 2021) — In a historic about-face, and while Palestinian bodies are still being pulled from the rubble in Gaza, the Middle East woke up this morning to its future. Late into the night, hawkish Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, better known as Bibi, surprised even the most radical Palestinians and ordered the Israeli Defense Forces to end 54 years of military occupation of Palestinian lands. It was reported that Netanyahu made this historic move after seeing the cover story of the New York Times, which photographed all of the Palestinian children he just killed in Gaza.
Israel has militarily controlled every meaningful aspect of Palestinian life ever since it occupied the West Bank, East Jerusalem, and Gaza Strip in 1967. The ending of Israel’s rule over Palestinians, coined “Operation Face History,” will oversee the withdrawal of Israeli forces to the pre-1967 lines and is expected to be completed in 72 hours.
Prime Minister Netanyahu went on Israeli national television and called for a 3-day curfew in Israel and Palestine while Operation Face History is carried out. Reporters were the only ones there to witness Israeli soldiers, military assets, and settler families being hauled toward Israel proper. In his 90-minute address to the nation, Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu made three references to similar blunt actions taken by the South African regime in 1994, which ended apartheid once and for all.
All of Netanyahu’s leading political contenders held a joint press conference upon hearing of this breaking news. Extreme right-wing Naftali Bennett, who was days away from assuming the reins of government and about to become the prime minister for the first two years of a new coalition government after Israel’s war-crime blunder in the latest aggression on Gaza, read out a written statement that said, “This is fake news, a big lie! Bibi is full of himself. He is only ending this occupation to stay in power and out of jail. Who in their right mind would end occupying 5 million people, an amazing source of profit for Israel and a dire need for our arms industry to test their latest and greatest weapons?’ Unidentified sources from the prime minister’s office reported that…